Understanding Assertiveness
Assertiveness is a skill that can be learned and mastered like any other. It involves:
- Expressing your feelings
- Communicating effectively
- Establishing limits and boundaries
However, it’s important to note that assertiveness should not be confused with aggressiveness. Instead, learning to be assertive is key to achieving balance and maintaining healthy relationships in all aspects of your life.
Setting Boundaries
When it comes to establishing boundaries, it’s often necessary to say “no” to certain tasks and people. Although this may feel uncomfortable or even aggressive, it’s essential to recognize that saying “no” is vital for standing up for yourself. In fact, many people struggle with expressing their preferences, needs, opinions, and feelings because they’ve never been taught how to do so tactfully. Fortunately, assertiveness can be developed with practice, leading to a more balanced and fulfilled life.
Tips for Practicing Assertiveness
Identify and Voice Concerns
The first step to assertiveness is recognizing and expressing your feelings and preferences in a positive way. Begin by identifying what worries you and practice expressing those concerns openly.
Boost Self-Esteem
Moreover, engage in activities and surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Doing this will reinforce your confidence and assertiveness.
Use “I” Statements
In situations of conflict, express your thoughts and feelings using “I” statements. For example, say, “I feel [state your feelings] when [state the situation].” This approach keeps communication focused on your experience rather than blaming others. For instance, you might say, “I would like [state your needs or preferences].”
Accept Compliments
When you receive compliments, graciously accept them with a simple “thank you.” It’s crucial to avoid downplaying your success or making excuses.
Question Norms
It’s perfectly okay to ask, “Why?” when faced with rules, policies, or practices that don’t align with your values. There’s no need to accept things unquestioningly—develop your own thoughtful response to them.
Identify Your Triggers
Everyone has triggers—situations or behaviors that make it difficult to remain composed. Once you recognize your triggers, you can develop strategies to manage them effectively.
Express Negative Emotions Constructively
Learning to express negative emotions in a constructive way can make a big difference. For example, this might involve requesting better service, letting someone know they’ve hurt your feelings, discussing differing views, or simply asking for some alone time when you need it.
Address Minor Irritations Early
To prevent anger from escalating, it’s better to address small frustrations early on rather than letting them build into larger issues.
Develop Social Skills
If you’re unsure of yourself in social situations, try reading books on etiquette or personal development. Additionally, you could join a club or group where you can practice your social skills with like-minded individuals. If social anxiety is a significant issue, consider reaching out to your organization’s assistance program for professional support.
Practice Active Listening
Furthermore, listening attentively when others speak is a crucial component of assertiveness. Paraphrase their words to ensure you’ve understood them, ask questions for clarification, and wait until they’ve finished before sharing your thoughts.
Speak Up Confidently
When it’s your turn to speak, do so clearly and assertively. Using your voice and body language to communicate confidence and calmness without being aggressive is essential.
Release Perfectionism
Finally, it’s important to recognize that perfection isn’t attainable, and no one is always right. Be gentle with yourself, acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can, and extend the same kindness to others.
By incorporating these tips into your daily life, you’ll gradually become more comfortable with assertiveness and more skilled at setting boundaries.
References
TELUS Health. (2024, March 1). The importance of assertiveness in work-life balance. Telus. https://go.telushealth.com/en-ca/heartbeat-hub/assertiveness-is-the-key-to-work-life-balance