How Do I Set Boundaries With My Boss?

Identify Your Non-Negotiables

Before discussing boundaries with your boss, clarify what you need. Instead of setting boundaries on the spot, like “I don’t respond to emails after 5 p.m.,” identify your needs for a better work-life balance. For example, “I need to pick up my kids from after-school programs, so I will be offline from 5 p.m.” This boundary ensures you keep your personal commitments.

This approach works for two reasons. First, it clearly explains the “why” behind your boundaries. This helps others understand and respect them. Second, it acknowledges different work styles. It also sets clear expectations. For example, if you set a boundary to be offline in the evening, your boss can expect a response the next morning.

Name and Frame Your Boundaries

Once you know the outcome you want, such as attending your weekly soccer game or meditating during lunch, determine what you need to achieve it. For example, you might need no meetings from noon to 1 p.m. Then, assess if these boundaries are realistic within your job’s context and expectations. Consider the following:

The Job Description

What did you agree to when you took the job? You can’t set a boundary that contradicts your job’s requirements. For instance, if you work in crisis communications and clients may contact you at 8 p.m., it might be hard to enforce a no-calls-after-5-p.m. policy.

Company Policies and Values

What does your company promise to offer or uphold? What do you commit to as an employee? For example, if a company policy requires you to always be available for clients and you are fairly compensated for this, it may be difficult to set certain boundaries, like taking 48 hours to respond to emails. If you need to set a specific boundary, ensure there are solutions in place, such as a colleague who can cover for you, so job promises are maintained.

A Natural Opportunity to Address Boundaries

Changes in your personal life, like needing to care for a sick relative, or professional changes, such as a promotion or annual review, are good times to set or reset boundaries. Use these transitions to communicate what you need to succeed in your role and how that looks at work.

Make It Easy to Act on Your Boundaries

To have others respect your boundaries, you must respect them yourself. For example, if you sign up for a gym class at 6 p.m., don’t cancel it each week to work late. Instead, prioritize leaving your desk by 5 p.m. to maintain work-life balance.

Create a “Guide to Me”

Write down your boundaries and the reasons behind them. Provide alternatives for others to achieve their work without breaking your boundaries. For example, if someone asks for help during your lunch break when you’re offline, offer next steps for when you’re available or suggest someone else they can contact for assistance.

Use Tools to Stay on Track

Use calendar blocks to mark times when you’re unavailable. This signals to others when you can’t be reached. Set visual reminders, like updating your Slack status to “away.” Don’t forget to set out-of-office email replies when you’re unavailable for longer periods. This helps everyone understand when you’ll respond.

Respect Other People’s Boundaries

Respecting others’ boundaries shows you value them. It’s not just about maintaining your own limits but also recognizing that others have their own rules. This builds mutual respect and reinforces the importance of boundaries at work.

Respond to Boundary-Pushing Effectively

When someone challenges your boundaries, respond with solutions. Understand what they need and suggest ways to meet their needs without breaking your limits. For example, if a coworker asks you to cancel dinner plans to help with a project, ask if it’s urgent. If it is, provide resources they can use independently and offer to review their work later. This way, you support your colleague without compromising your boundaries.

Know What Boundaries Don’t Cover

Your boundaries should align with your job responsibilities. Setting boundaries is not about avoiding your boss or shirking tasks. It’s also not an excuse for poor time management. Boundaries should support your role, not undermine it.

For those in leadership positions, don’t expect employees to handle all boundary-setting alone. While employees must define their own boundaries, leaders should promote and respect these limits. Healthy boundaries benefit everyone and create a better work environment.